Internal Memos

INTERNAL // LEVEL 2 // EMPLOYEE VIEWABLE

SUBJECT: Unauthorized Discussion of Sevacon Units

Employees are reminded that company aquatic assets are not “robotic sharks,” “metal nightmares,” or “her sweet babies.”

Be nice. They work harder than all of us.

Use of unofficial terminology may result in disciplinary review.

INTERNAL // LEVEL 1 // WELLNESS POLICY

SUBJECT: Breakroom Conduct

Employees may not remove another employee’s doughnut unless replacing it with an approved wellness alternative.

Rubar jerky sticks are currently approved under the DeceptiCorp Employee Optimization Program.

Longhaul has been informed.

He means well.

“WHOO!”

INTERNAL // LEVEL 4 // LEGAL REVIEW

SUBJECT: Sector 12 Redevelopment Language

Employees are instructed not to describe recent infrastructure instability as “a ploy,” “market manipulation,” or “Tower Four pre-clearance.”

Approved language: strategic urban renewal.

INTERNAL // LEVEL 3 // EXECUTIVE FLOOR

SUBJECT: Espresso Capsule Misuse

Whoever keeps replacing Lord Megatron’s dark roast engine-grade capsules with vanilla caramel will be found.

This is not a prank.

This is a hostile act against executive productivity.

INTERNAL // LEVEL 1 // EXECUTIVE FLOOR

SUBJECT: ANIMATRONIC BIRDS

Lord Skywarp has five very lovely, very beloved rescued animatronic birds from a theme park.

Attempting to make said birds sing the songs they performed in captivity will end very badly.

The phrases “Tiki Room” and “look at all the pretty people” are banned within proximity of Lord Skywarp’s office.

The birds are very cute and we know they are very talented.

The birds are simply retired from performing.

MESS WITH THE BIRDS // YOU WON’T BE HEARD

INTERNAL // LEVEL 5 // ADMINISTRATIVE

SUBJECT: Employee Attrition Terminology

Employees are reminded not to refer to reassigned personnel as “missing,” “disappeared,” or “taken.”

Approved terminology includes:

Continued misuse of terminology may negatively affect performance evaluations.

RECENT MEMOS